This past weekend was a bit of a crazy one for me. I'm likely not in the minority, being that there's some sort of holiday or something coming up I think.
Saturday was errand-packed with a visit from my father-in-law & his wife. Sunday was allocated to my mother- and brother-in-law for assorted family holiday activities.
As y'all may or may not have noticed, Hub & I are working on a baby (not right this second...I can't multi-task that well...). I had been feeling suspicious for about a week & 1/2. Sore boobs, and some assorted other gastrointestinal symptoms which I will leave to your imagination.
Yesterday morning, however, I started feeling crampy. More than just the "beginning of pregnancy" crampy. Being that I'd had a week + change of getting my hopes up, I was somewhat anxious about the cramps.
Hub finally asked what was wrong and I told him I was feeling crampy and was anxious about that. He had a brief moment of looking horrified, and then resumed discussing breakfast plans.
Ladies, may I ask...does anyone else find it annoying that men shrivel up into a rocking fetal position when anything even vaguely menstrual is mentioned aloud? I mean really?
Don't get me wrong, I love my Hub dearly and I am not questioning his masculinity (quite the contrary, actually). I just find that men are huge pussies when it comes to that. I mean, I actually have to get in the trenches and deal with it. It makes me psycho. It makes me goat-like in my ability to eat. It is messy (yeah, I said it). It brings me to my knees with pain. Yet I cope, sans fetal position. It is just a part of my life.
But I can't even mention cramp to him without deer-in-the-headlights meets whimpering-fetal-position?
So, I may have become a little frustrated with Hub for his non-reaction to my stress.
Perhaps. Just a little.
I had hoped that cramps would subside a bit and I could relegate the experience to "early pregnancy symptoms."
Alas, not so. Mid family visit? I discovered the unwelcome visitor. I had to keep my game face on for the rest of the family event...because if I do get knocked up? We're presenting it as "surprise news" to the family.
We are trying to conceive because we want to...despite all the drama and stress associated with Princess. We do not wish to allow her that level of control over our lives and relationship. But we will get passive-aggressive guilt trips from family members for having another baby....unless it was a "surprise."
Warning...swear-laden rant ahead...
Seriously, hell of a lot of swearing upcoming....
...you have been warned...
Truthfully, I'm about to tell a lot of family members to fuck off anyway. I'm getting really tired of Princess being treated like a poor baby. At almost 6 years old? She's old enough to be responsible for her behavior. And I'm sorry, but screaming, whining, absurdly dramatic behavior is not acceptable behavior and said behavior should yield some consequences.
Can we quit fucking fawning over her like her shit doesn't stink? Can we quit treating her like she's some poor tortured kitten who needs to be rescued from us evil, cruel parents? Can we quit accusing me of playing favorites when I discipline her for unacceptable behavior while you all but ignore my son?
Because truthfully? If my son acted the way she did? He would probably get more severe punishment than she does, at least from me.
Her treatment? Is a direct result of her behavior. And I will not let her off the hook just because someone is watching.
Fuck you for judging me behind my back without even knowing what it's really like every day.
Fuck you for being a Goddamn hypocrite saying I'm playing favorites while I watch you consistently ignore my kid and fawn over her.
Fuck you for indulging her brat behavior making it that much more difficult for us to get her to act appropriately.
Loving a kid doesn't mean giving them everything they want.
Loving a kid doesn't mean always making them happy.
Sometimes loving them? Means bringing down some hell when they fuck up. Because it's OUR job as parents to teach them how to be good, functional human beings. Teaching her that histrionics and manipulation get her what she wants? IS NOT A GOOD THING, PEOPLE.
Not everything can be solved with hugs and rainbows, so save your fucking judgment...or at least have the balls to say it to my face.
I'm tired of the stink eye. I'm tired of pulling knives out of my back. And I'm really tired of feeling like I have to fight family to be a good parent.
Yeah, I don't like her. Sorry, I'm human. I'm doing the very best I can to try & develop a relationship with her. Learning to care for someone? Takes time. Especially when you're trying to care for someone that disrespects you, your spouse, your other child, and your home more often than not. Being able to like a kid with real behavioral problems? Isn't easy.
But I do care about her and what happens to her.
I do everything in my power to ensure that I'm fair between the kids, if for no other reason than I don't want Boo to grow up being an entitled asshole. I don't want HIM getting unfair special treatment, either.
Princess is not making it easy for me OR her father.
And anyone who has spent any real time with her? Clams up with the judgment pretty fuckin quick. It ain't me just being a bitch.
Walk a mile or two in my shoes before you decide I'm just a bitch playing favorites. And also? Fuck off.
So, yeah. That's been my weekend.
Some Mondays? It's good to be back at work.
On the upshot? I'm supposed to be fertile over New Year's. As someone else said to me...maybe we can ring in 2011 with a BANG. Hehehe.