Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Universe and My Body Are in Cahoots

You know, I had always thought that my body was on my side. Being that I'm the one who cares for it & all, I kinda assumed it would have my back. So to speak.

But now? I wonder.

The morning sickness (morning? Pfft. Yeah. Whatever) and complete and utter exhaustion slight fatigue are, I suppose, to be expected. I mean, creating an entirely new human being? Not a minor endeavor. We'll cut the body some slack here.

Where I start questioning the body's motives, however, is in the fact that it basically turns off its immune system while creating this new human. Which seems like a design flaw to me.

I mean, I'm not an omnipotent creator or anything, so I'm sure I'm missing something...but does it not seem like a good idea for the body to ramp up the ol' immune system? I mean, should we not be amassing an army of protection for the fortress guarding the developing human?

Wouldn't a more immunologically robust - thus healthier - mother unit be of benefit? Isn't that the basis for the theory that I'm supposed to eat only organic everything sent from the heavens itself along with my prenatal vitamin?

I get that the suppression of the immune system is to keep the body from "fighting off" the new lil' life as a foreign invader. I get that.

But shouldn't the body that is designed to reproduce recognize reproduction in action and not see the new little human critter that the body was designed to produce as a foreign invader? When said critter needs to be expelled, there's a whole process for that. A whole process not really involving the immune system at all.

Unless it could help push. Ahem.

The immune system should just mind its own business and stick to the real foreign invaders. That way, it wouldn't just up & go on vacation while I'm busy incubating a human life and allow any ol' Tom, Dick, and Harry germ to just mosey on in and take up residence.

Like whatever the hell Germ moved into my chest and gave me bronchitis. That Germ? Doesn't belong here. It has made itself entirely too comfy. I mean, it's partying at all hours of the day and night. And it doesn't help that it's dragging Lungs, Throat, and even my freaking Bladder to the parties.

The Germ gets things started, then the Lungs show up & start with their hacking. The Throat shows up shortly thereafter all sore and usually brings the Nose with it. Although, the nose is a bit sloppy at parties & can't ever decide if it should show up running or stuffed.

And the Bladder. Hmph. The Bladder has no self-respect whatsoever. When the party gets going? The Bladder just lets it all hang out, leaving me really grateful that the bathroom is a quick dash from the bed. I've tried to send the Kegels after it to keep it in line...but that thing is just incorrigible.

And here's my body, sending the troops out on leave while I'm trying to grow a person here. Who is supposed to control all of this nonsense?? Isn't that what I have troops for??

I mean, usually I can enable the germs' bad habits with a little pharmaceutical action, and while they're chilling on the couch, the troops can come in and kinda scoot them out without much fuss. Which would seem ideal, what with the shortage of available troops and all, but no. I'm growing a person and responsible mothers do not fling pharmaceuticals at their germs.

They use Tylenol. Which, frankly, seems a bit like selling the germs oregano and then being shocked when they get pissed about that.