WTH happened to Ms. WTH??

So my apologies for being gone for a while. This seems to happen to me from time to time. Perhaps it is some kind of mood cycle or lunar cycle or just when all the shit in life finally catches up with me.

I've been squashed under pregnancy exhaustion, lots of work, a birthday party, some unexpected family drama, and pregnancy exhaustion.

Have I mentioned that I'm really tired? I am a black hole for sleep. Not sure I mentioned that.

Sometimes? Something just has to give. And I'd rather not write at all than to dump a boring and/or stinky pile. Although this blog is primarily a cathartic exercise, I am trying to develop my catharsis into more of a "craft" as opposed to haphazard emotional venting.

So Yeah.

There it is.*

*50 "holy crap" points goes to anyone who can identify this movie quote.

WTH did I do to my hair...?

I'm hopping into Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop this week since I have a good story for prompt #4 A hair disaster.



I was probably 18 at the time. I had decided that I would dye my medium blonde hair black for Halloween. I got the temporary black dye - the kind that says "Washes out in 6-8 shampoos!" right on the box. My hair was long enough that it actually took 2 to get it all, but I got it all. And it was pretty cool.

But then, about a week or so later (yeah, about a 6-8 shampoo period), the black was not washing out the way the box claimed it would. My hair was now a sickly blackish-green color. Dammit.

Kept waiting for it to wash out. Just became less black, more green. DAMmit.

So, using color wheel technology, I bought a nice red/brown color to counteract the green. Added this to my hair. Was WAY redder than the box claimed it would be, but ok. At least red is a naturally occurring hair color. I bought semi-permanent this time. I wanted slower-acting color change until the green had plenty of time to realize its defeat!

But as time went on, the brown began washing out of the red/brown color. And my hair was becoming quite orange. Rather carrot-like, in fact. Dammit.

Again, I apply my color wheel technology and I buy a nice ash blonde to counter the orangey red...but not go so far as green. This color did the job. But promptly washed out in 6-8 shampoos. Son of a...

I got another box of ash blonde, hoping that by the time this one washed out, most of the orange would've come with it.

Nope.

Now, I threw in the towel. I went to a salon. $100 later, I had my "root color" which is essentially a light brown. I was told to return later to get the blonde highlights put back.

When I returned, they put a plastic cap on my head (reminiscent of my great grandmother's plastic kerchief thing she used when it rained...) and proceeded to use something resembling a crochet hook to pull out pieces of hair from beneath the plastic cap.

Mind you, my hair was probably mid-back in length. Pulling little strands up through a plastic cap? Is not going to end well.

While I did get my blonde back, it cost me like $200 and resulted in like 2 days of conditioner-laden combing.

Beyond a couple of minor kool-aide bang-dyeing excursions, I have never again messed with my hair color.

I'm learning...Kinda

One of the things that I'm (slowly) learning as a parent is that not all kids are created equal. Because we have recently gotten custody of my 5 year old stepdaughter, we are learning some things about having multiple children.

Now, I am an only child. The rumors you have heard about us? We are all hopelessly spoiled, attention is lavished upon us, and life is generally golden in all ways? Ok, I just threw up a little. Someone forgot to send my mother that memo. However, since I was the only kid in the house, I did not learn any of those neat multi-kid dynamics that are apparently normal sibling behaviors (Seriously, must arguing be constant???).

Also, we are adding a 5-year-old to the mix. Not the same as starting off with one, getting preggo, & adding a new baby. You get a little warm-up time for that. The sibling dynamic develops over time as the baby gets older.

The thing that really burns me though, is that the kids have the nerve to be different from one another. What works with my stepdaughter? Totally useless with my son. I am constantly fumbling the discipline ball. Constantly. A firm voice works with my stepdaughter. She fears getting in trouble, complete with trembling lip. Evil Stepmother, right here.

My son? Not so much. If I full on yell? That might slow him down, but then what do I do when he gets too used to me yelling? My babysitter had 2 volumes, on the phone bitching about her mother and/or sister and yelling. He just learned to block it out. For him? I have to take something away. I also have to explain the whole logic behind it. In detail.

They have completely different personalities and backgrounds. And having two? Is way different than just one. Especially when you have other people complicating things. Grandparents with no rules or boundaries. Mothers who emotionally torment out of selfishness - I mean, really, who tells a 5-year-old girl that her siblings are living with the devil when they are living with their father? What is this going to accomplish?? How do you explain to a 5-year-old that her mommy lies to hurt and manipulate people? That apparently, her daughter's emotional well-being rates below mommy's selfish need to emotionally torment the people who have pissed her off? These are things you just can't tell a kid about her mother - the mother that she loves with that wholehearted 5-year-old love regardless.

But I digress....

Sometimes, I feel like I've got this mommy gig down. And other times? I feel like I've just been smacked with the idiot stick. Kids should come with instructions, with chapters like "Odd Questions I Might Ask," "Challenging Bodily Functions," "Approximate Number of Times I Will Break Your Heart," "Illnesses & How Much They Will Stress You Out," and "How to Discipline Me." Seriously, is parenting really one of those things that we should be fumbling about all clueless and unprepared? Who's idea was that, anyway?