Thursday, December 30, 2010

Development of Important Instincts

My stepdaughter is not the healthiest of kids. Honestly? If she is not loaded up with mucus I'm surprised.

We believe that she, like Hub, has asthma and that it is reactive to allergens. Personally, I think it is mold. Much the same way Hub develops Wheeze-a-palooza whenever he visits his mother's house, Princess tends to develop nasty, phlegmy coughs whenever she has spent any length of time in their house.

More reason for her to not be in over-indulgence central...but I digress...

So, every time she spends any time at their house, she starts coughing like a 3-pack a day smoker. It's gross. Plus? There's not a whole lot we can do to help her. More often than not, she's not "ill" in the sense that we could give her antibiotics or something. She just gets more breathing treatments and some cough medicine before bed.

We have also discovered another exacerbating factor. And this discovery has shocked me with its weight. I had no idea that such developments occurred so early in life.

We have discovered that when she hacks up her considerable mucus, she does nothing with it....and this lack of dealing with it leads her to gag. Usually late at night while she's in bed. Which is fun for all involved, with the cleanup and sheet changing and late-night laundry.

So, Hub then has to have a conversation with her. "Princess (he uses her real name - Gertrude), if you cough something up, you need to either swallow it or spit it out."

Who knew that "spit or swallow" was determined so early in life? Because really, you can't just leave it sitting in your mouth or it will so make you gag.

She still hasn't gotten this concept. And her sitting with a bunch of phlegm in her mouth? Is also making me gag.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

So My MIL Drugged My Husband and Other Christmas Happenings

Christmas this year was quite the experience. As usual, we had to have several different Christmas celebrations.

My Father-in-Law's family is all in North Carolina. And they drive down every year to visit the family. So, they come visit us before hand so we can open gifts with them and send the NC gifts with them. That was the weekend before Christmas.

Then, we have my Mother-in-law's family. She is one of 5 sisters - 4 out of 5 of whom have multiple kids. And some of the kids are starting to pair off & have kids. So this celebration of 40 of our closest family members takes place on Christmas night in the great-grandparents' 2-bedroom house in the ass-crack of West Virginia. Seriously, I think I heard banjos on our drive in...a few miles down the dirt road to their house.

The fun part? Happened on Christmas Eve. My MIL's house is, um, not fastidiously cared for. When re-doing upstairs bedrooms? They knocked out a load-bearing wall. And they had some roof leaks which left the boxes in one room green and fuzzy before they got around to fixing it. So, yeah, they're a little blase' about stuff.

Hub also has asthma. His asthma was great in Arizona. Never saw the man use an inhaler once in the 2 years we lived there together. Once we got here? The inhaler came back. And whenever we visit his mother's? Wheeze-a-palooza. We think it's the mold.

So, we show up Christmas Eve to do our family gift exchange with them. Almost immediately upon arrival, we are plied with wine. Ok. I'm fine with that. A little bit later, Hub walks in with 2 pills. "What are you taking?" I ask.

"My mom gave me some allergy pills..." he says, washing them down with the wine.

"Ok, probably good since we forgot your inhaler."

About 45 minutes later, we head out to the porch so Hub can have a cigarette. He looks a little off. "Are you feeling ok?" I ask.

"I feel a little dizzy." He says. "I think it was the wine..."

"One glass of wine & you're dizzy? Puss." I scoff.

After a few minutes he says "I really don't feel well...I feel really light-headed & dizzy..."

At this point, MIL's expression changes a bit. She excuses herself. She comes back & informs us that she may have given Hub her anti-depressants instead of allergy medication. Being that she keeps them both in the same bottle & all.


By this point, Hub is laying in my lap all non-verbal. He has mumbled that his heart is beating fast & he's short of breath. We call the emergency nurse line & they tell us we need to get him up & walking around.

Oh, and if he stops breathing or collapses, we should go to the ER.


He doesn't want to walk around. He's nauseated and wants to stay horizontal and immobile. Also? He hates going to the doctor.

I inform him that he will either get up & walk around with me...or I will enlist the aid of his grizzled old redneck Vietnam vet stepfather to wrastle him into the car and he will go to the ER. "Don't fuck with me," I tell him. "You're already poisoned, you won't be able to put up much of a fight...."

So, we walked around the block several times. He started feeling a little better.

I knew he'd be fine when he started arguing with me on the way home.

Oh, and I got a neat head cold for Christmas. Pfft.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Antlered Up

So, Kristin over at Taming Insanity has an antler contest going. While I can't compete with the cute kids/pets/modes of transportation already posted...I do have antlers. This is probably about as much of me as you'll ever see.

Also? I may or may not have inadvertently taken a picture of myself in an embarrassing (should it leak to the public) state of undress. Don't ask why I was taking antler pictures in any state of undress. Ok, Ok, I wanted to take the picture before I took a shower and wilted my hair & removed my makeup. This was a late-breaking idea.


I blame Kris. It was accidental, altho obviously not an original accident. Like Kris? Mine was immediately forwarded to my entire adress book sent to Hub deleted.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Random Bits &, Bobs

Today? Is going to be a random day. I don't really have a whole post in mind...but I have a few odds & ends rattling around in my head that I feel like babbling about. And Hub isn't available. So I guess you (my 7 loyal readers) will be the ones subjected to my random babble today.


Whenever I have to pee in the middle of the night, but am too stubborn to get up and pee?

Monday, December 13, 2010

So, tell me about your pregnancies...

Sometimes? This blog is my own little social experiment. I become curious about things, even things I'm not obsessed about...and I can post about it here to pick your brains.



Thursday, December 9, 2010

*This* Could Get Me a Baby!

Ok, so don't hate me...but I'm doing a meme. I'm doing a meme for a giveaway. Because this giveaway? Could get me pregnant!

Ok...stay with me here...

In the 1 in a bazillion chance that I won this giveaway (pay no attention to the reality of the odds...)? I would so get enough sperm that I would have to get pregnant. No fertile woman could be exposed to the amount of sperm to which I would be exposed if I won this giveaway and NOT get pregnant. True story.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Me vs. The Universe

Before I get started, I found a nifty new (to me) blog yesterday. I laughed heartily at the handful of posts I read & because I'm a humor whore (along with being a comment whore and a pumpkin whore), I went ahead and followed jillsmo's blog Yeah, Good Times. Lo and behold, I was the 100th follower. So today I mosey over to read her post and lil ol' me is in her blog because I was her 100th follower! Head on over & check her out, because she is funny! I likes me the funny.

We now resume our regularly scheduled blog post.

Anyone laughing at the "regularly scheduled" part? Will be punched in the junk. My hormones are all whacked. It is not wise to antagonize the hormonally imbalanced woman.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Gratitude & Crap - Epilogue

ADD Moment - I hope I spelled epilogue right.

I had intended to blog with all my gratitude in life throughout the Thanksgiving holiday. However, I discovered that having a computer at my disposal makes blogging easier. I determined that I was not going to write a blog post via my Android touch screen phone.