Wednesday, December 29, 2010

So My MIL Drugged My Husband and Other Christmas Happenings

Christmas this year was quite the experience. As usual, we had to have several different Christmas celebrations.

My Father-in-Law's family is all in North Carolina. And they drive down every year to visit the family. So, they come visit us before hand so we can open gifts with them and send the NC gifts with them. That was the weekend before Christmas.

Then, we have my Mother-in-law's family. She is one of 5 sisters - 4 out of 5 of whom have multiple kids. And some of the kids are starting to pair off & have kids. So this celebration of 40 of our closest family members takes place on Christmas night in the great-grandparents' 2-bedroom house in the ass-crack of West Virginia. Seriously, I think I heard banjos on our drive in...a few miles down the dirt road to their house.

The fun part? Happened on Christmas Eve. My MIL's house is, um, not fastidiously cared for. When re-doing upstairs bedrooms? They knocked out a load-bearing wall. And they had some roof leaks which left the boxes in one room green and fuzzy before they got around to fixing it. So, yeah, they're a little blase' about stuff.

Hub also has asthma. His asthma was great in Arizona. Never saw the man use an inhaler once in the 2 years we lived there together. Once we got here? The inhaler came back. And whenever we visit his mother's? Wheeze-a-palooza. We think it's the mold.

So, we show up Christmas Eve to do our family gift exchange with them. Almost immediately upon arrival, we are plied with wine. Ok. I'm fine with that. A little bit later, Hub walks in with 2 pills. "What are you taking?" I ask.

"My mom gave me some allergy pills..." he says, washing them down with the wine.

"Ok, probably good since we forgot your inhaler."

About 45 minutes later, we head out to the porch so Hub can have a cigarette. He looks a little off. "Are you feeling ok?" I ask.

"I feel a little dizzy." He says. "I think it was the wine..."

"One glass of wine & you're dizzy? Puss." I scoff.

After a few minutes he says "I really don't feel well...I feel really light-headed & dizzy..."

At this point, MIL's expression changes a bit. She excuses herself. She comes back & informs us that she may have given Hub her anti-depressants instead of allergy medication. Being that she keeps them both in the same bottle & all.


By this point, Hub is laying in my lap all non-verbal. He has mumbled that his heart is beating fast & he's short of breath. We call the emergency nurse line & they tell us we need to get him up & walking around.

Oh, and if he stops breathing or collapses, we should go to the ER.


He doesn't want to walk around. He's nauseated and wants to stay horizontal and immobile. Also? He hates going to the doctor.

I inform him that he will either get up & walk around with me...or I will enlist the aid of his grizzled old redneck Vietnam vet stepfather to wrastle him into the car and he will go to the ER. "Don't fuck with me," I tell him. "You're already poisoned, you won't be able to put up much of a fight...."

So, we walked around the block several times. He started feeling a little better.

I knew he'd be fine when he started arguing with me on the way home.

Oh, and I got a neat head cold for Christmas. Pfft.


  1. you win! I only got a broken oven and some reallly unhelpful advice as I discovered it was broken. Poisoning? Totally bigger. :)

  2. Broken ovens do suck. And unhelpful advice? Never welcome, IMO.

    My mom set my birthday cake on fire when I was a kid due to a broken oven. I got my 1st microwaved birthday cake that year. Good stuff. Good stuff.