Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Is this your ear?

Last night after Boo & Princess were in bed, as is our routine, Hub and I went outside for his after kid cigarette. He likes to have company while he smokes. Or perhaps it's just because I don't let him smoke in the house.

As we are sitting on the porch, enjoying the finally decent weather, our two oversized rats tiny dogs start barking up a storm. No one likes yappy rats dogs so we attempt to Sshhhh! them before they drive us insane disturb anyone. We look over & there is our Friendly Neighbor at our fence. Hub starts to walk over & asks if I'm coming. I've been zombiesque all day & am now nearly comatose, so I request that he say "hi" for me & I then scuttle inside so I can finally, blissfully, sleep....ahhh....

I'm snuggled down, cozy in bed. I hear yapping rats dogs. Shut up, you stupid rats dogs. Yap! Yap yap yap! *sigh* Yappity yap yap yap! Stupid

(door bursts open)

"Oh, my God!" It is Hub. He has a story he must tell me this instant.

Apparently, Friendly Neighbor's elderly dog had run away. He asked Hub if we had seen Elderly Dog. We had not. They chat for a while longer. Friendly Neighbor is having problems with his girlfriend and is drunk off his ass a wee bit tipsy.

As the conversation is winding down, Hub looks toward our house & notices Elderly Dog in our other neighbor's yard. Invisible Neighbors have no fence, so Hub offers to go retrieve Elderly Dog. Friendly Neighbor is irritated at Elderly Dog & tells Hub just to leave him for now. Hub doesn't want Elderly Dog to get run over, so he insists on retrieving Elderly Dog, as it is the right thing to do.

Hub retrieves Elderly Dog & returns to our yard. Friendly Neighbor is also in our yard, waiting for Hub. Hub hands over Elderly Dog & is headed back toward the house when he notices Friendly Neighbor fall over. Hmm. Perhaps he fell over in a drunken stupor tripped. Then Hub notices Friendly Neighbor freaking out showing signs of extreme irritation with Elderly Dog.

He walks over to investigate and discovers that Elderly Dog has bitten Friendly Neighbor. And half his ear is missing. Hub is a little queasy. He asks Friendly Neighbor if he can drive him to the hospital since he is drunk off his ass injured. Friendly Neighbor refuses.

Hub: "No, really, I think you should go to the hospital...."

FN: (laughing) "Nah. I'll be fine. Man, this stings..."

Hub: "That's really going to hurt tomorrow...are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital...?"

FN: (still laughing) "Nah, it's ok. It sure stings tho..."

Hub was distressed by the event.

Apparently Friendly Neighbor survived the night. I saw him leave for work this morning. I think I would've called in sick....& hopefully remembered to hold the phone up to my other ear...


  1. I'm sorry, I know this isn't funny, but HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! I hope the people at his work encouraged him to make a hospital trip!

  2. Oh my. That is a colourful neighbor you have. And I'd say elderly dog doesn't care for him much.

  3. OW OW OW!

    Watch your little dogs around neighbor dog. He has a thing about ears, apparently.

  4. That is at the very least worth a sick day from work. ;)

  5. I'd keep an eye on your dogs, if I were you... just in case Friendly Neighbor turns into Psycho Neighbor.