Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A Nefarious (or stupid) Cat

I am writing this post as a result of the inspiration provided by Lori's The Evil Done by Cats post.

Because I'm a "grown up" (Ok, stop laughing. Seriously. Whatever beverage you just spit all over your screen? Is not going to clean itself up. And it's going to get sticky if it dries there.) and have kids and responsibilities etc, I am going to alter a few inconsequential components.

So, back in the day, when I was maybe 23 or so, I lived by myself with 2 cats. Each had their own unique proclivities. One was very personable and gorgeous, but was prone to urinary blockages. He was expensive.

The other was kind of a cantankerous old man, pretty much since kittenhood. He would get angry & whip his tail around vigorously. Often, he would vigorously whap people in the head from the back of the couch. Really, why did you feel the need to sit on the couch and invade his dance space? He also had an affection for plastic. Many a night I would have to yell at him for licking a plastic grocery bag and waking me up at 2am.

Both cats liked to puke at 2am. Loud enough to wake me & spur the thought "I need to remember not to step in that in the morning...." which would inevitably lead to me waking up & stepping in it in the morning.

Also during this time? I was very into, um, herbs. I was particularly fond of special fresh oregano. This special fresh oregano? Tended to be fairly expensive. On this one particular occasion, I purchased a small nug bit of the fresh oregano. The proprietor of said oregano was out of his usual baggies shipping materials, so he instead utilized some Saran wrap as a means of keeping my oregano fresh during transport.

One evening when I was ready to bake cook, I went in search of my special fresh oregano and could not find it. I did, however, discover in my travels some cat puke. I remembered waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of the plastic-loving cat licking away at the plastic. Stupid cat must have eaten some of the plastic.

Now, I know what you're thinking. But the cat had always been very put off by any kind of oregano. If he even saw me get out any of the cooking supplies? He left the room. Oregano? Always offended him.

I chocked up the whole situation to me not putting my oregano back where it belonged when I was done cooking. It would show up again eventually.

So, the next morning, as I am getting dressed in the bathroom, my cat comes up meowing and proceeds to drag his butt across the floor. Um, gross. He's never done that before. As he gets up from his butt dragging, I notice something odd.

About 3 inches of Saran wrap hanging out of his butt.


Apparently, oregano does not do much to cats. Other than make them puke at 2am. Which they do anyway. Or it could have been the large wad of plastic wrap in his gullet.

So I think to myself...self, you can't really leave the cat with Saran wrap hanging out of his ass.

If I can't leave him like that....then I have to remove the Saran wrap.


So, I find myself sitting on the floor, trying to restrain my angry, tail-whipping, oregano-eating cat while I pull Saran wrap out of his butt.

Pulling 8 inches of plastic wrap out of a feline rectum? Not on my list of things to do that morning. Also? Not that easy.

I might add that the oregano did not survive it's journey through the cat. The Saran wrap was devoid of its original contents by the time it was fully removed from the cat.


  1. Hahahahaha!! That is great. My first dog had a similar run in with oregano...except she was a puppy and had a huge reaction. We were at the vet. She must of found it in the grass after a party.
    My mom wasn't pleased.

  2. Happy sighs.

    Love this story.

    Just . . . happy.

  3. Oh my heavens...I am cracking up.

    Damned oregano eating cats.

    My cats have not been exposed to oregano, that I an aware of. I did not have these cats in my...umm...oregano experimentation days.

    But I have no doubt they'd eat it.

    Then yowl for more kibble while giggling.


  4. This is hilarious! Must...stop...laughing....
    No more reading your blog at work.