Saturday, June 12, 2010

To baby or not to baby...

OMG - it has been over a week since I have posted. Perhaps that is why, despite the good night's sleep, I have still been a little grumpy. Lack of something this week, anyway. hehe

...moving on...

My hub and I have been together nearly 5 years now. He has a daughter (who is 5 1/2 - his ex cheated, again, while she was pregnant & he kicked her out) and I have a son (4 1/2 - his father bailed on us pretty much as soon as I told him I was pregnant). We now have custody of his daughter (her mom is out of her damn tree psychotically self absorbed mentally ill)so we effectively have 2, nearly school-aged children.

Now, we are finally married after 4 1/2 years (not in a hurry - getting divorced is a pain. in. the. ass. so we wanted to be sure we were really sure that we were surely sure). After being with someone for that long & not have any kids biologically between you, people start asking when you're going to have another one.

At work, at least 4 people (out of 40 - that's 10% people) are currently pregnant. Since I've been there - almost 3 years - at least 6 babies have already been born. Suffice it to say, I no longer drink the water there.

Add to that my newfound Twitter & Bloggy addictions interests that have linked me up to many new mommies, and my little nostalgic uterus is going berzerk.

Now, here's the thing, I sleep through the night. As soon as my son can sleep thru the night without peeing, we're a pullup-free zone. No exorbitantly expensive infant day care. We've got one starting school and another starting preschool - we're nearly done paying for child care...sorta. And the vision of having 3 to manage is intimidating at best. I am an only child, so this whole sibling thing with the 2 of them is alien to me. I'm not sure what I'd do with 3.

On the other hand, I'm 32. My biological clock is tick tick TICKing pretty loudly. Plus, I love my husband very much & there is a part of me that wants to have a child with him to tie our family together. Then, everyone would have a common link. Plus, we would each have biological children with a mate that sticks around for the actual rearing process.

Honestly, I think if money were not an object, I would be on board to have another. There would be some logistical problems of where we would put the 3rd child, being that each existing child has a bedroom of their own & it would be tough to have one share a room with a child 5 or 6 years their junior. Additionally, my boring mom-boat sedan will only hold 2 car seats. A third would mean a (shudder) minivan that we don't really have the money for...although, I suppose my outspoken disdain for SUVs & Minivans would karmically require me to be in need of one at some point. Like I said before, I really need to start being vocally judgmental of happy, healthy, rich people with brilliant, well-behaved children....

I dunno, I can't answer all of the "how would we do it" questions so that's why I haven't broached the subject. Plus, what if I regret it after we're already committed? That's a whole can of worms I don't want to open. Soon, I'll be past the window in which I would be OK with having another child. Personally, I don't want to be 40 & having a baby. 35 is about my outside limit.

It's a huge commitment that I can't quite be sure I want to make, but I'm also not sure I want to walk away from that.

Perhaps I'm just nostalgic & glossing over all that crappy stuff that comes along with new babies & raising kids....I suppose if anyone really remembered what it was like (let's not even discuss labor & delivery), probably no one would have more than 1...


  1. Ah, the age old question....

    Well, if it's any consolation, I was almost 37 when I had my now 1 year old and we are planning to have at least one more, if not 2.

    I was lucky, I had a a great pregnancy and would do it all again (most days) in a heartbeat.

    I'd say give yourself a little time and then you (and your partner) will know what to do. You get a "baby fix" any where... heck, if you live anywhere near San Diego, you are welcome to babysit my little monster, I mean bundle of joy.

    Be patient with yourself.

    Oh, and I despise minivans and will never EVER own one either. I have a nice sized SUV, in other words, it's not a behemoth gas guzzler.

  2. There's never a right time, and never enough money for a baby! Like Tonya, I don't drive a minivan either...and I have 3 in carseats! I also have a SUV.

    Anyways, if you wait until the right time, you'll be waiting forever. But you do need to make sure that you and husband are both on the same page.

    Keep us posted!