Sunday, June 20, 2010

Ode to my Hub

Since today is Father's Day, I want to blog about my husband & his role as the father figure in our household.

If you are familiar with my previous posts, you'll know that my husband and I do not share any biological children at this time. I'm still not sure if we'll try to add another one to our household. We go back & forth about whether or not we want another that we know what's involved in being a parent.

My husband and I have been through a lot together. We met in Arizona (where I am from) while he was going to school finishing his 2nd college degree. I was quite pregnant with my son - about 7 months. I had been recently ditched by my son's father & was *so* not looking for another guy in my life. I was frantically trying to save up money to get prepared for my son's impending arrival. I was scrambling to deal with my situation and was not looking to complicate things further with a relationship.

He saw what I was doing to try to prepare myself to be a mother & took me aside one day to tell me how amazing he thought it was that I was working so hard, all on my own, to be a mother. At that moment, I realized how alone I felt in the whole process, but was really touched that *someone* was impressed by my effort. My family was on the other side of the country, & my 1 close girlfriend had a lot of personal stuff going on & was not able to be there for me the way she would've liked to have been.

After a few conversations, he told me a little about his story. His ex had cheated on him several times (that he knew of). He had been working 2 jobs while going to school full time because she didn't want to work because she was pregnant. I had been working 2 jobs for the majority of my pregnancy, so I had very little sympathy for her. There was no reason she couldn't work, she just didn't want to. She complained that he was never there. One day he came home early without calling first & caught her with his friend. This was the last straw & he sent her back home to her mother and then endured months of emotional warfare. She continued to tell him what a horrible man and father he was for not abandoning school & coming back east to "be a father." He chose to stay and finish his degree. He was more than half way there & if he left, his classes would not transfer (specialty technical school) and he would still be liable for the loans. He struggled with the decision, but felt it would be best for his daughter to finish his education so he could provide a better life for her than being a server for the rest of his life.

Fast forward a year. I agreed to have lunch with him so he could give me some books on parenting. I had made it explicitly clear before I agreed and during our lunch that I was NOT available for dating & was NOT looking for a relationship. We spent the entire day talking. I had to work my 2nd job that night & he came up to visit me on my break. After I was done, we sat in his car and talked for another 3 or 4 hours. After another week or 2 of pretty much constant emailing and conversation, we were dating. So much for my explicit edict that I was not available. :|

He was there for the birth of my son, which was very meaningful for both of us. I expected to be alone and he had been deprived of being there when his daughter was born (his ex was trying to hide from him - he only found out that his daughter had been born because her grandmother called him). When my son was 6 months old, we decided to move in together. When my son was about a year (& some change) old and after several lengthy discussions, we agreed to let my son call him "daddy." He has been the only dad my son has ever known.

We have been through many ups and downs, big fights, a cross-country move, custody battles, and growing as parents and mates. It took over 4 years before I would agree to marry him, but I finally did. We have both worked very hard & grown so much together. I can't even describe how amazing it is to have a partner like him to help me face the challenges, not only of parenthood, but of life as well. I could not ask for a better man to be a daddy to my son.

I love my husband (even during those times when I want to choke him) and am proud to be his wife.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you have a keeper on your hands. You and your son are so blessed.