Does anyone else ever stress about the kind of person your kid(s) will grow into? My kids sometimes do things that worry me, and I wonder if they are doing normal kid stuff or if these traits are something that will eventually be problematic.
My son's father (dirtbag alcoholic who abandoned us pretty much immediately upon learning I was pregnant) has a number of annoying traits about him, a couple of which I see in my son. One is the need to tease, harass, & otherwise make fun of other people well beyond the point that is funny or even nice. Granted, my son is a 4-year-old boy, so I expect some of that is normal. But at what point should I become concerned?
Conveniently (or perhaps inconveniently) enough, I'm a psych major, just about to (finally) graduate (thank GOD). Based on a lot of the research I've been doing over the last couple of years, plus some good ol' observation of my kids, I've come to the conclusion that (in my opinion) nature wins the nature vs. nurture battle (to heck with Watson & his dozen healthy infants...). I firmly believe that there is a lot that is hardwired into the brain, more so than many people realize (not that I'm an expert, I just don't think many non-psych folk ponder it much...).
I think environment plays a big part in how traits manifest themselves, but the traits are already there. My son exhibits mannerisms, gestures, expressions, etc that come from his father. Being that he does not know or spend any time with his father (again, thank GOD), he cannot possibly have learned any of these from his father.
So, that being said, there are traits in there that are just there. Nothing I can do about wiring. Likewise, there's wiring in there from me, my parents, their parents, etc. So who knows how he's actually put together. All I can do is provide what I hope is a positive environment & hope for the best, I suppose. Nonetheless, my hope is to rear a child who grows into a quality man...& not the mean, dirtbag alcoholic* that (1/2) created him.
I'm probably just worried about nothing, but I don't know what the hell I'm doing with this whole parent thing & I get a little freaked out sometimes...
*We'll save the "why on earth were you seeing a mean, dirtbag alcoholic" issue for another time. Suffice it to say, sometimes you realize a lot of things in hindsight...and sometimes you just do dumb shit. Let's leave it at that for now. :)