So many divisive topics - & I have an opinion about each of these.
Our brains are designed to categorize. It is part of how we assimilate information. But at what point does the categorization become judgment?
I like to understand my opinions & why I have them before I go spouting them off in front of others. It sucks when someone questions you on an opinion & your mind is filled with chirping crickets. Embarrassing, really.
Ultimately, I wonder what business is it of anyone's what I choose to do with my life, as long as I'm not hurting anyone else.
Sometimes? Believing in a principle is hard.
For example, I am technically pro-choice, only because I don't believe the government should regulate morality. I believe that morality is beyond the scope (and comprehension) of the government. In my mental imaginings, government would exist as a basic framework so we're not running about all rambunctious and amok.
However, actual abortion? Makes me a little ill. I am anti-abortion.
Really, I'm pro-responsibility. If you don't want to get pregnant? Either protect yourself or don't have sex. If the protection fails? That's the risk you took. Now, suck it up & accept the consequences.
I also understand there are many circumstances that turn this into a shades of gray issue. Rape, incest, certain death of mother or fetus, etc., make the choice far more complicated. I have had friends who have had abortions because they weren't "ready" for children. I disagree with their choices, but those choices were not mine to make.
When it was my turn? I wasn't "ready" either. Not even close. I made my choice. People disagreed with my choice. But it was not their choice to make.
When I got pregnant? It was because I was irresponsible. He was not planned. Nor his father "parent" material. When I got pregnant? I took responsibility for the consequences of my actions. Because the choices I made to get there? Were mine.
Also? I work. Because I have to.
But if it wasn't necessary? I don't know that I would be a SAHM. There are a lot of other factors that influence that decision besides monetary necessity. Am I a bad mother because I work? No. Would I be a better mother if I stayed at home? In some ways, I think yes, & in others, no. Much would depend on the circumstances.
Do I judge other women who work because they work? No. Do I judge SAH mom's because they stay at home? No. If that's what is best for their family, what business is it of mine?
Do I have opinions about choices people make? Yes. Do I think some people continually make stupid choices? Yes. Will I offer my opinion? Yes. Am I sometimes snarky about what people choose to do? Yes. Do I still sometimes judge despite my best efforts not to? Yes.
I do not claim to be perfect. I do not claim to have all the answers. But I also know that no one else has them all, either. My life is my journey. No one else's. I have my own lessons to learn. If you have a different opinion about a choice I've made? Congratulations. Feel free to politely explain your point of view. You might give me some new perspective that I can use to update my own viewpoint.
If you want to tell me what an idiot I am because of my choice? If you want to sanctimoniously condescend to me because you know the choice I clearly should have made? Be prepared to either be ignored, made fun of, or given suggestions as to where you can shove this "knowledge."
Besides, I have found that the people who are most sanctimonious and condescending? More often than not have no idea what they're talking about.
The only beef I have with working mother's is that they are not home to play with me. It's a hardship.
ReplyDeleteWhile many mother's return to work, because as you said, they have to. Many claim fiscal needs but they really work so they can buy things. Bigger cars, houses... I like honesty. Tell me really why you are working.
Pro-responsibility is an excellent term.
Very controversial post! Can't wait to see where it goes.
I'm a working mom. I work because I love having something that's mine and mine alone. I am selfish that way. I also think it's good for my son to have a bit of time away from me and my husband. He is getting social interaction on a consistent basis - something he would not have otherwise.
ReplyDeleteKristin - I agree. Honesty is good. That's part of why I said that I don't know if I would be a SAHM if I could. And "could" is relative. We "could" if we lived on a very, very thin budget or if my Hub got a second job. There would be no extra money for anything extra. And I am not willing to let my Hub get a second job. I think he is important to the family and he needs to participate. He is more than a paycheck. He is a dad.
ReplyDeleteCecelia - Necessity is not the only reason I work at this point. I think I benefit from the time. We had special family babysitting arrangements for most of his life & he is now in preschool & greatly benefiting from the structure & socialization. Also, I lack the discipline to provide structure, I'm thin on patience at times, plus? I like working and I don't ever want to be in a position (should Hub get hit by a bus or trade me in on a young secretary) that I can't support my kid on my own if need be. I'm the independent sort.
Please write a letter to my smil. She does not understand that no matter how frequently she makes "suggestions" our choices are not hers to make.
ReplyDeleteThis post rings so true to me. I am a big believer in learning about other people's beliefs...but in a polite way. I can't tell you how many times I've seen grown women and men say the most horrible things to each other instead of just agreeing to disagree. I'm not perfect either - no way! - but I really hate it when people think they know what all the answers are.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100% on every single thing in this post. All the views on abortion, and I'm a huge advocated for being responsible for your own actions. Also, as a stay at home mom who welcomed the opportunity to work from home, I agree that staying at home isn't the best for everybody.
ReplyDeleteI love people with opinions and a passion for them. I agree with you on all of these accounts and I encourage you to continue to share your thoughts and ideas, no matter what they are. I'm going to. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's also okay to disagree every once in a while. That's what makes life interesting.