10 commandments of childhood

Part of my reading today included a fun post on Scary Mommy's page about the 10 Commandments of Motherhood. This got me thinking about the 10 Commandments of Childhood. Sort of a guide for babies.

1. Mommies like to take care of us any time. Try crying at 3 am and then at 4:15 am, they will come at any hour! I think they like unpredictable variety.

2. Mommy clothes are specifically designed to absorb any bodily fluid you can manage. This works especially well for spit up - & boys, try for the surprise pee stream if you really want to see what the cloth can handle! Best attempted first thing in the morning when the clothes are fresh & mommy's reflexes are slow.

3. Mommies like to try making new foods. They will get bored if you like the same food for too long. If you have been faithfully eating hot dogs, completely refuse them from this moment forward. It will give mommy a chance to try something new.

4. Pooping is fun to do in new and unusual situations. Try it when you're out with mommy while she's grocery shopping or out at a park. Anyplace were there aren't the usual changing table amenities. You'll be amazed at how your mommy can contort herself to get your diaper changed without letting you touch anything.

5. Naked time is awesome time! Be sure to show everyone you meet how well you've mastered naked time. It will really make an impression on new people. They will be really amazed at how quickly and efficiently you can get your own diaper or pants off.

6. Mommies like to feel needed. Be sure to cry hysterically and cling ferociously to them whenever they drop you off anywhere. You don't want them to think you won't miss them, despite the fact that you're about to have a BLAST the whole time they're gone.

7. Your very own body provides amazing stuff to play with! Watch how things change colors when you slobber on them. And your diaper or pullup is loaded with stuff that you can paint your bed & walls with. It's so much fun! Don't worry, it's washable.

8. Don't worry, the house is totally safe! Feel free to climb up on whatever you want. Pull on things, push stuff, climb stuff. Sometimes they make neat sounds like Crash! and Crack! and Bam!. And sometimes, mommy will get really excited about what you're doing & come running over really fast!

9. If you can pick it up, you can put it in your mouth. Pick up whatever might be laying around and chew on it. There's all kinds of fun stuff, crunchy stuff, squishy stuff, stuff with legs. Explore! It'll probably help your teeth to stop hurting.

10. Daddy won't do it right. Whatever you need, mommy will do it better, so be sure to scream until she comes. If daddy tries to get you dressed, make sure he can't catch any limbs. If he tries to change your diaper, get some poo on him, then scream. Wait for mommy.